Toxic love and shame

“You are too good for him/her!”
“Why don’t you leave him/her already?”

Sometimes people try to shame us out of toxic love. Sometimes we try to do this to ourselves.
Or worse, be feel so much shame about that dysfunctional relationship we are STILL in, that we clam up and talk to nobody about it.
Not even ourselves.
We feel so much shame that we start to hate ourselves. Or we become whiny and weird and feel shame about that.

Shame spreads like a very sticky virus. We start to feel  shame about the way our bodies look. We start to feel shame that we seem to be unable to do anything about it. We start to feel shame about the way our kids act. We start to feel shame about our homes, our work, our education. About the way we speak. We diet or indulge in harmful stuff hate our bodies because these are what we are and these are the reason we are living that unworthy existence.
Than we feel even more shame.

Trying to shame ourselves out of emotional addiction is like trying to shame ourselves out of growing cancer cells.

(an approach taken by some misguided healers).


The Empress is shameless

Fear is the vibration of “I might die”.
Shame is the vibration of “I should not even be alive”.

Fear is the vibration of “I might lose love”.
Shame is the vibration of “I should never be loved at all”.

If we feel unable to push toxic people out of our lives we can instead try to invite our own lost parts back into our lives. The one we have long ago shamed out of it.
We can tenderly embrace all those wounded, addicted, unfulfilled parts and bring them back to oneness.
This is a gentle and slow process and it will take our intention off of destruction and shame and back into healing.

the empress is shameless

the empress is shameless

The Empress is shameless.

graceful food

These days you cannot invite a bunch of friends over for dinner without taking all kinds of precautions. A couple of years ago serving some vegetarian dishes was all you needed. Now there are people who do not eat grains, some do not eat cooked food, others do not eat cold food and there are others who do not eat soy or nuts or…you get me.

Yesterday had me thinking whether there remains one food item that has not been vilified by one or the other food fadist group.

For a moment “carrots!” (organic!) crossed my mind. Carrots are innocent and orange and do not harm to anybody. Carrots make us think about little white bunnies. Everybody likes carrots.
But then I remembered the guy who told me, that carrots were like “small ginseng” and had to be strictly avoided because they made people aggressive. And, of course, even if you “do carrots” without getting  aggressive, the question remains: must they be raw or will cold food kill your stomach fire, do you need to serve them with oil or must vegetables and oily stuff never, ever touch each other.

Then I thought “water!”. There can not possible be anything wrong with water. But alas, water is a huge problem. Some want it filtered or treated with osmosis others need their minerals and not just any minerals. And again, some like it hot- others not so much. And if you like it hot- do you just heat it up or do you boil it for several hours (in an earthen pot and on a wooden stove) to break down molecular clumps or will this kill the energy.
Then you can magnetize it or put all kinds of crystals or Russian shungit in it or only drink water imported from New Zealand.

Food restrictions reloaded


Food restrictions used to be part of many organized religions. Eating the same things brought people closer together and helped them distinguish themselves from “the others” who were considered “impure”.
Today in a multicultural society we are bombarded with restrictions about food. Not to appease a distant god but rather to appease our not so beloved body.
After  religiously following a couple of diets we awaken to the fact, that our bodies do not answer all that well.

There are three ways to deal with this:

  • blame ourselves for having got it wrong (these chocolate chips cookies of last night may not have been macrobiotic in the more restrictive sense of the word?)
  • Ignore everything, forget about diet and just stuff everything into your mouth (if diets do not make me happy maybe some mac and cheese will)
  • Try to find an even more restrictive food prohibition that will finally cause your body to get rid of bloating, stomach problems, allergies, obesity, bad skin, pains and rheumatism, head aches, depressions and, well, really everything (by combining a strictly vegan and raw food approach with a paleolithic approach, leaving out carrots, sweet potatoes, oranges and everything orange for good measure)

Food connection and transformation

The original religions (shamanism) have a different approach. For them every living being is part of an endless circle. A web. Life is passed along that web. Whether a bunny eats a carrot or a fox eats the bunny or you make a casserole including the bunny and the carrot: It is life being taken and transformed into more life.

The process is reciprocal because eventually our bodies will be transformed again.
The is the law of Earth. Earth is the mother of abundance. Of harmony. Of beauty.
For those who do not believe this: take a walk outside!

In our bodies Earth is represented by our digestive system. In Chinese medicine it is called Center. Center has its soul: Yi- Intention. Intention operates through words and thoughts.
Sometimes Yi is confused and lost in never endings thought circles. This comes naturally enough because circles are the way of Earth- but the thought circles that keep us awake at night are wrought of thoughts that resist our connection. They do not want to eventually give up the body and merge with everything. They think there should be a special place for immortal ME.
When we lose connection to the web we lose the grace of Earth. Thus many remain fruitless. Powerless. Without creation.

If Yi- our earth soul realizes its connection to the web it can play with it instead of trying to resist it and instead of trying to be “master of EVERYTHING”.
Playfully, gently, our earth soul can be part of the endless circle of creation and destruction.
This is how abundance, harmony and beauty are created.  This is the way of  Earth. Joyful.


We can also do a very simple routine- a routine that will rebuild connection and free us from all sorts of diets and food restrictions.

The simple routine to leave dieting and food restrictions behind forever

In the Earthly transformations life is taken, transformed and given reciprocally and gracefully.
Traditional people would ask consent before they took a life and they would be thankful and maybe offer a part of themselves- a prayer, a kind thought, a song, tobacco.
They would not waste any of the things they took
and they would share everything with their people in a joyful way because they knew life had to be celebrated. In great festivals as well as in everyday matters. As in sharing a bowl of soup.

For us, who probably do not live that kind of life any more, who probably cannot grow our own vegetables, who maybe are even forbidden to choose our own food- like those of us who are prisoners or patients a hospital and many of those who are in any other institution, be it school or workplace- this looks like a tricky proposition.

In this situation, we can use our Yi-our Earth soul to put out our intention to be part of the web, to be graceful and thankful and joyful, just like our ancestors did. The people who knew the way.

Eating gracefully

The routine to leave behind dieting and food restriction and to reconnect to Earth to create beauty and abundance is simple:
In order to get our grace back- we say it.
Next time before we eat we say Grace.
We use our own words- and we can speak them internally and without making a big deal out of it like some religious fanatic at the family table would.This is not about being pompous and self-righteous and SPIRITUAL.
This is private. Gentle. Humble. We can do it everywhere without anybody noticing.
But we do it with every single bite we take- a latte at a corner store? A bag of chips? A chewing gum?
Say grace!

To sum it up: Saying grace does not need to be pompous and wordy. Let it be sweet and simple and private. But say grace. Always.

The 3 things we do when we say grace

When Earth transforms there are three aspects: Life is taken. It is transformed. Something new is born.

  1. We honour the gift of life
    We honour the life that has been given for us- and in the case of some genetically manipulated being that had to live a tortured life before it passed it on to us this is the least we can do. We do not pretend that nothing happened because a burger does not have eyes. It does. Probably the eyes of many.

    We feel compassion. After all, in our own way we probably know what being unfree and manipulated feels like. We are part of this. (In a sneaky way this will help you to eat more carrots and less little bunnies.)
    But neither do we put a guilt trip on yourselves. We will not dwell on the misery. Because dwelling on it will magnify it.
    We just say: I honour your existence. Thank you for passing Life on to me.
  2. We put out our intention
    We initiate transformation by putting out our intention.
    We state what we want.
    This food will help me… get a boost of energy, get fresh thoughts, healthy body, beautiful skin, eyes like an eagle, a happy loving heart.
    Feel it. State it. Be clear about it.
    And then let it go.
  3. We feel the love fire will start the creation
    We eat joyfully. We look at the food and not at our iphone.
    We enjoy our meal! Where ever and what ever it is.
    And whenever we can- we share it.

Tongue in Cheek

Some informations, while they may be correct
are not to be taken tooooo seriously.

So instead of taking this to heart (you may, though!)-
entertain yourself with:


Chinese tongue diagnosis for lovers

Surveys have shown that men who are good craftsmen, musicians or artists also make convincing lovers, whereas men who are all fingers and thumbs, as the saying goes, aren’t good lovers either. Men who enjoy good food or, better still, are skilful cooks themselves, often prove to be erotically talented connoisseurs also.

Jocks- better on the playground than in bed

Sportsmen, on the other hand, are often overrated; mostly, alas, they don’t have what women think they have.

Girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man. Not.

Nor are tasteful clothes any guarantee of erotic talents and the appropriate Fire. It’s well known that a man who isn’t a good kisser is definitely not a good option.
So what is an empress supposed to do?


The Chinese tongue diagnosis tells an empress how to recognise a good lover.


(The Chinese pulse diagnosis is even more conclusive, but proportionately more difficult to master.)


Chinese Tongue Diagnosis for Lovers

The empress recognises a good lover from the shape and colour of his tongue, so she makes sure she sees his tongue as soon as possible, just as Wu Zhao did.
How to accomplish this, is another question …

 The Fire Man

If a man has a tongue like Einstein, in the famous photo, or like Mick Jagger, then the empress knows she has before her a lover who combines intelligence with virility, and often also a very strong personality. The tongue is long, pointed and a strong red colour. It comes out straight and strong, and should not point upwards or downwards. The ideal lover has only a hint of coating on his tongue. A tongue that is completely uncoated, vivid red and possibly lacerated can be a warning that a man pushes himself too hard, that he may be in danger of impotence or may not live much longer. He should strengthen his Yin with herbs. As a lover, however, he may be good or even very good (for as long as he’s able).

The Wood Man

A broad tongue with clear muscle venters at the sides and raised edges usually belongs to a sportsman or a man who tends to be aggressive and choleric. As a lover a man like this substitutes unvarnished virility for eroticism. Fortunately, because he reacts powerfully and almost exclusively to visual delights (silicone breasts), he usually steers clear of strong and experienced women.

The Metal Man

If the tongue looks like a rectangular parcel, this is a highly rational, almost obsessive Metal Man. The empress gives this man her tax returns and has him fix her computer. He’s faithful, dependable and boring, and can be very domineering in an obsessive way. She would scarcely consider him as a lover.

The Water Man

If the tongue is very thin and only red at the tip, the empress has before her a rather shy and somewhat difficult man. He’s seldom ill-natured, but may be excessively love-hungry and self-involved. As a friend he can be very amusing, but may tend to whine. Self-involved as he is, he’s not afraid of powerful women, but values them as exciting opponents. He cultivates sophisticated sexual practices, employing toys of every description, and this can be very entertaining. But he has an underlying lack of confidence and likes to be inspired by the erotic writings of the Surrealists or de Sade.
So if you are not into “50 shades of grey” … think again.

The Earth Man

If his tongue is soft, pink, broad and often slightly swollen, the man is usually a good cook and prefers oral pleasures, frequently involving the genitalia. At his place the empress will always be given a good wine. If she’s gentle with him and gives him time, he may cover her with his favourite dessert, then lick it off meticulously. Agitation and stress are abhorrent to him, in bed as elsewhere. He prefers voluptuous women, from whom he correctly anticipates a great capacity for enjoyment. The empress will definitely consider him as a lover, as long as his inertia (that is, his dampness) doesn’t get out of control, in which case his tongue would become pale and bloated.


the empress is shameless

the empress is shameless




Body and soul are one

So you tell me, this book (the path of the empress) will make me happy. But can you please tell me, what this book is really about.
Like in: actual contents.

Ok. Where do I start? Yes: This might be important. Let’s talk about healing. About body and soul.


Body and soul are one.

This is paramount. Body and soul are one as in: they are identical. They are also quite different. If you think in a Chinese way (if Chinese is the first language you have learned) it is very natural to hold conflicting thoughts (conflicting from a western point of view) without even noticing the conflict.

Let us start with the oneness:

We are not just our intellects or feelings. Neither are we soulless machines as biomedicine keeps telling us. We are embodied souls. Soul and body are on a continuum with soul being at the Yang end and body at the Yin end. Feelings are what we realize each time the stuff we are made of (the Chinese call it “Qi”) shifts from embodied form into formless being- or back.
There is no way of telling, where the body ends and the soul begins.

For this reason most chapters in “the path of the empress” discuss disorders that are nowadays regarded as “medical problems” in the same way we would discuss problems of the mind and soul.
Also we usually refrain from addressing situations as “problems” or “diseases” and prefer to look at them as challenges or lessons.

(Disclaimer: The path of the empress is a book for smart women. For empresses. Being an empress you will know when to discuss your health issues with a doctor or licensed practitioner and you will also know to never take the words of a book for granted even if it is an outstanding book like the path of the empress. An empress takes charge of her own health.)

Here are some of the “body lessons” discussed in the book

  • love sickness aka abandonment trauma
  • genital irritations and infections
  • menstruational cramps and irregularities
  • Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS)
  • irritability
  • depression
  • listlessness and declining libido
  • infertility
  • eating disorders
  • weight problems
  • exhaustion and burnout
  • menopause, mood swings and hot flushes
  • osteoporosis
  • sleeping disorders
  • muscular pains
  • wrinkles, withering hair and brittle nails

Is this specific enough?

Just remember:

These “women’s troubles” may very well arise when feminine power is not allowed to develop and instead works against the woman herself.

Chinese medicine knows this every time. Keeping this in mind, we might still start from the body side of the soul body continuum. When we release blocked energy through the systematic use of herbs or specific foodstuffs we might feel liberated on the level of the soul. The improvement in well-being will lead to new insights and impulses.

Another time Chinese medicine may choose to treat a “bodily ailment” through some simple talk.

The identity of body and soul works both ways.

The recipes and strategies in this book are few and not necessary for the book to achieve its effect.
Still we felt that some of them were just too good to be left out. Many of the recipes are based on the original writings of the ancient Chinese shaman doctor Sun Simiao and other ancient Chinese sages and they work on a spiritual level.
If you want to try them, we strongly recommend that you remember that  Chinese herbal medicine is medicine and needs to be used with discretion and possibly under supervision of a doctor of oriental medicine.

Whether you use herbs or you not: Remember that pains and ailments are our own creations and that we create them because we need to learn more about ourselves and our own unique path.
Lasting relief will not be achieved before you have learned your lesson. Once you do changes in your life may be the result. Such changes may not always be kindly received by those around the empress.

In many ways things are exactly the same today as they were in the time of Empress Wu.

Being an empress isn’t easy – but it’s enormously exciting!

happy new year of the wood goat!

Dear empress!

May you walk through feminine transformation like a leaf floating down a gentle river.
May wonder, magic and love come your way naturally.
May you be happy!

Because This New Chinese Year
the empress takes it easy!

Christine Li


the path of the empress- a call to feminity and power

the path of the empressA book on transformation


I live in Jakarta and I have read your books “Der Weg der Kaiserin” and “Die Geheimnisse der Kaiserin”, both books are truly life changing, some of the best books I have read!”

Gillian Sch., Jakarta, January 2014


It was in the year 2000, the year of the dragon, when the Empress first appeared in German bookstores and made its way to the top of the list. Since then countless women all over Europe have read the story of the Empress, laughed and cried, learned their lesson and passed it on to their daughters, their mothers, and friends.

The Empress is a book that changes lives.

A call to feminity and inner strength. A permission to live wild and free.

“Being an Empress is not easy, but it is enormously exiting.”

Many a woman never feels complete in herself and due to age-old social conditioning goes out looking for a male counterpart to complete her. But completion does not come from the outside. Soon she finds him missing in something. Just like herself. This is flirting with disaster.

Two deficient parts, put together, will never result in completion. Hence all the dating drama and disappointment in marriage.

The encounter of female and male can ignite many sparks and fill our lives with joy and inspiration.

The union of Yin and Yang- Sex- is the great creator of everything and a source of endless joy. But to accomplish this we will first have complete ourselves and only then will we attract the right companion.

A call to completion


For many centuries woman have felt incomplete.

We have been made to think, we had to choose between two sides.

Tender or effective. Pretty or smart. A homemaker or a business lady. Sexy or strong. Being the wild one who created beautiful works of art or the boring one who had to pay all the bills in the end.

We split ourselves up and shattered the pieces. We looked down on any other women who dared to hold onto something we had discarded.

This is the time to put ourselves together again. We call this “being an empress”.

The “path of the empress” will lead you through the process. It is a magical book because while it tells you lots of things about lovers and love, men and women and the wisdom of your body- all you really have to do is immerse yourself and trust the process.
Being an empress is in you. But are you ready for it?

Are you an empress?



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